


you could call it paradise, but it looks just like Hell to me

by ZeeIsGay



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Caring Amenadiel, DOES NOT ALIGN WITH SEASON 3 TIMELINE, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Lucifer Morningstar, Hurt/Comfort, I do not care, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) Whump, On Hiatus, Physical hurt/comfort, Plot Inaccuracies, Self-Harm, Whump, i worked hard, lots of screaming, on Lucifer's part, yes i know amenadiel doesnt have his wings back in this point of the seriies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:54:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23480539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZeeIsGay/pseuds/ZeeIsGay
Summary: !!! the timeline of season 3 is inaccurate for the sake of whump !!!Lucifer hates his wings, so he cuts them off himself for the first time.[On hiatus until probably sometime after season 5B comes out]
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Comments: 12
Kudos: 50





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written for Lucifer before, and I haven't written anything in a long time, so this may not be the best. I tried, though, and I think that's all that matters.

It had been a few weeks since Lucifer’s wings returned, and every time, he wanted them gone. It was tough to hide the anxiety that came along with them. His Father made them, and gave them back to him as a way to punish him. He had had enough. Lucifer waited until after his current case with the Detective was solved, and Chloe could  _ definitely  _ tell something was off about him. She didn’t say anything, though, which Lucifer greatly appreciated. 

The elevator ride up to the penthouse felt frustratingly long, and as soon as the elevator door opened, Lucifer went straight to where he kept one of Maze’s demon daggers. Setting it on his glass coffee table, he grabbed his first aid kit from his room, and set it next to the dagger. He then placed an extra sheet over his couch, and unfurled his wings. 

Lucifer’s hand shook as he positioned the dagger over his left wing. It had been a while since his wings were last cut off, and it felt different doing it to himself. A part of him knew that this was entirely messed up, but he didn’t care. He just wanted them  _ gone _ . 

Lucifer cried out when he first pushed the blade down, cutting into some of the skin on his back as well. The pain was blinding, but Lucifer kept going. 

When he reached the halfway point, his vision started to fade. 

_ Blood loss,  _ he thought. He would survive. All he focused on was finishing his left wing. He was almost done, he just had to finish it. Then everything would be okay. Just as he was cutting the last bit off, the blackness crept in on most of his vision. Maybe he should take a break, and just sleep. Just as he was about to be claimed by the darkness, he faintly heard the sound of the elevator dinging.  _ Great. _

“Oh my god,” a female voice gasped. He slowly registered it as Linda and tried to move. He was met with the pain of his left wing hanging downward, pulling on the small amount of skin still attached to his body. Lucifer had a high pain tolerance, but that was the final straw. He let out a scream and collapsed. Linda was too late in catching him, and he fell forward, landing on the floor, unconscious. 

“Shit, shit, shit,” Linda whispered to herself. How was she supposed to help him? She called Amenadiel, putting it on speaker and setting it down on the floor. Linda reached for the first aid kit and pulled out some gauze. She had no idea what she was doing, but stopping the bleeding couldn’t make things worse. The doctor applied pressure to Lucifer’s back, and he woke with a scream. 

“I’m sorry, Lucifer, but I can’t let you die.” Linda’s eyes filled with tears. She then heard the sound of Amenadiel answering the phone, and felt some relief. 

“Amenadiel! You have to get to Lux, right now. Please,” was all she could say. The call ended, and she heard the sound of flapping wings behind her. 

“Lucifer! Oh my god, Lucifer, what have you done?” The angel shouted, running over to his brother’s side. When he realized he would have to remove the rest of the wing for it to heal properly, Amenadiel closed his eyes.

“Linda, you should leave. I don’t think you want to watch this.” Amenadiel warned, and Linda shook her head.

“No way, not until I know he’s going to be alright. How can I help?” She argued. Amenadiel knew Linda well enough to know that she wasn’t going to leave Lucifer, so he complied. He told her to keep pressure on the wound and informed her about what he had to do.

“It’s going to hurt, a lot. I pray to Father that he passes out before I’m finished.” Amenadiel sighed. 

“I’m sorry, Luci.” Amenadiel braced himself and began to finish what his brother had started. Linda jumped when Lucifer groaned in pain. When Amenadiel continued, Lucifer let out a loud shout. At that point, tears were streaming down Linda’s face, but she made sure to add more gauze to the added part of his open wound. Linda’s patient screamed in response, ending with a sob. Amenadiel decided the best thing to do was just get it over with, and to not prolong the pain. 

In one swift move, Amenadiel finished the job, and Lucifer’s wing fell down next to him. The Devil screamed one last time, and finally passed out.

Linda ran behind Lucifer's bar, and started throwing up into the garbage can.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of half filler, half plot.

Amenadiel made sure that the gauze on Lucifer’s back was good enough, and walked over to Linda, feeling terrible that she had to witness that. He placed his hand on her shoulder as she spat into the trash. Amenadiel ran to the bathroom with a glass, and came out, the glass filled with water for his friend. 

“I can’t believe he did that to himself,” Linda said, taking a sip out of the glass. “Lucifer told me about how he cut off his wings when he first came to Earth, but Maze did it that time. This is taking self-harm to a whole other level.” She thought out loud. 

“I know,” Amenadiel agreed, and took a look at Lucifer. “I should get him in his bed, and give him time to heal.” He walked over to his younger brother, and carefully carried him into his room, setting him on the bed.

Linda joined Amenadiel in Lucifer’s room and looked at Amenadiel with sympathy. It was probably terrible for him to learn that Lucifer was back to cutting his wings off. After all, he was an actual angel. It was most likely more painful to see Lucifer’s wings being sliced off than it was for her.

“Perhaps you should go home, Linda. I can stay with him throughout the night, to make sure he doesn’t do anything to make matters worse.” Amenadiel suggested, deciding it’d be best not to say, _ I’ll stay to make sure he doesn’t cut another limb off _ .

As much as Linda wanted to stay, she was exhausted, and knew that Amenadiel would keep her friend safe. There wasn’t much else she could do to help, anyway. 

“Text me or call me if anything comes up, please.” She requested, and hugged Amenadiel. He nodded, and Linda headed for the elevator. With a sad smile, she gave one last little wave before the doors shut.

Amenadiel looked at the penthouse living room. Blood stained the rug and sheet on the couch, and Lucifer’s wing was still just laying on the floor. It was a horrifying sight, and the angel didn’t plan on looking at it any longer. He made sure not to make any noise as he pulled a laundry basket out of Lucifer’s closet, and set it next to the bloodied couch. He tossed the sheet into the bin and pondered what he would do with the amputated wing.

The mental toll of having to remove Lucifer’s wing was affecting Amenadiel’s ability to think.  _ Focus,  _ he told himself. Feeling guilty, He picked up the wing and set it next to the entrance to Lucifer’s office. It would have to do, for now. 

Lastly, he grabbed some bleach and towels from the bathroom and went to work. He poured the bleach over the stained parts of the rug and set two towels over the area. If anyone walked in, he didn’t want them to notice the giant bloodstains. That was it, he had done all he could and he was exhausted. 

He sat on the couch, away from where Lucifer had mutilated his wings. 

Amenadiel simply couldn’t believe it. How could his brother do that to himself? He thought about what Linda had said about self-harm, and he didn’t really know what that meant or why people did it. He didn’t understand why Lucifer would harm himself. Sure, he hated his wings, but cutting them off again? It was unfathomable to him.

What he could understand, was that he needed to be there for Lucifer more. Their relationship had improved greatly since he first came to earth, intending to bring the Devil back to Hell. His intentions now were to simply protect his brother. Especially, from himself.

All of the deep thinking was making Amenadiel tired. Lucifer was sound asleep, so he decided it would be fine to sleep for a little while. He laid down on the end of the couch and closed his eyes. He prayed to his Father that things would be better the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to align Amenadiel's thoughts with what he comes to realize later in the season, but the timeline in this fic is really screwed up so yeah.
> 
> thank you for reading! I love ya'll and your comments. I haven't had inspiration to do a multi-chapter fic in literally 4 years, and I'm just really excited about this story.
> 
> -Zee <3

**Author's Note:**

> (Title from "Never Know" by Bad Omens)  
> Thank you for reading! Leave a comment if you want, I appreciate them a lot
> 
> -Zee


End file.
